Fuck Donald Trump. Fuck Hillary Clinton. Fuck Bernie Sanders. Fuck the DNC and the RNC and the electoral college and this sham of a “democracy” we worship like the sweet baby Jesus pooped it out after sucking on the teat of the Virgin Mary. Fuck neoliberalism. Fuck capitalism. Fuck Amazon and Whole Foods and Starbucks. (Fuck Apple, too.) And fuck Grindr and Tinder and the commodification of everything right down to who, what, where, when and how we fuck. Fuck liberalism, progressivism, and all these sad excuses for “leftist” politics that have destroyed our capacity to even imagine anything other than what is. Fuck Garrison Keillor and the smugness of bougie straight white people who change their profile photos when a black person or a queer is murdered and shake their heads disapprovingly when a black person or a queer gets pissed off enough to say “Fuck you.” Fuck the police and the army and fuck the twisted transmutations of war into a video game and killers into heroes. Fuck the prison—industrial complex and the corporate university. Fuck Ellen. Fuck hipsters and craft beer. Fuck those fascist privacy walls between urinals in public bathrooms. Fuck the fact that we who remember how to laugh are no longer allowed to—because it’s more fashionable now to be serious. Fuck me. We’re fucked.